Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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