hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
