I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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