dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
They are going to name an STD after you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
