She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
