Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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