so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
