Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
That's intense
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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