You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
