My nipple is on Facebook.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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