is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
