Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Who died my cat blue again?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
