is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
