only if we run a train.
done.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
