First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
