Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
