Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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