why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
