she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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