Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
