And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I can't turn off my feet"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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