His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize