And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
