it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
