So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
