i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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