I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize