How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize