Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
