I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
