Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
