Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize