i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
