my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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