Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
