his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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