u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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