my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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