Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
