I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
