My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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