My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
