I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
