he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My ATM looks so different sober.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
