I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
this will be a night to untag.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
