So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
