Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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