Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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