the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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