Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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