We won't sleep together?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize