Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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