Me. At least after what I've been through.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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