Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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