I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
