love makes seman taste better
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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