All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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