you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
