yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
