shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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