dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize