Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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