and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
