Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's always time for handjobs
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
