Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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