so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
