Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
a search helicopter?!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
