oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
