my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
our cab driver is having phone sex.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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