Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
